


Some things you will remember

by SorceressSupreme



Series: some things you will remember (some things stay sweet forever) [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes is a Black Widow, F/M, Multi, Natasha Romanov is the Winter Solider, Peggy Carter appreciation club, Sam Wilson appreciation club, World War II Natasha Romanov, World War II Steve Rogers, be-compromised secret santa exchange 2020, but it's not endgame for this fic so I won't tag it, everyone lives in the Tower together, listen I wrote this by in every scene saying "how can I make this more gay", many hints/moments of Natasha/Steve but not enough that I'm going to put it in the ship tags, no beta because I finished this way too close to the deadline, oh yeah also some good Bucky/Steve moments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28323453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SorceressSupreme/pseuds/SorceressSupreme
Summary: Natasha Romanoff is Steve Rogers' best friend. Natalia Romanova is the Winter Soldier, fist of HYDRA and mentor to the Black Widow, James Barnes. But when the Black Widow defects to join SHIELD, it sets these two personas— and two men from her past— on a collision course.(for the prompt: "AU: James Barnes is the Russian assassin Clint Barton brings in from the cold and into SHIELD. Natasha Romanoff is the Winter Soldier. (This could be gen, any pairing, or threesome!)" and also "Everyone lives in the Tower fic or team!family fic." because I couldn't help myself)
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov
Series: some things you will remember (some things stay sweet forever) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074272
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32
Collections: be_compromised Secret Santa Exchange 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [inkvoices](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkvoices/gifts).



> I gotta admit I was pretty intimidated getting inkvoices in the gift exchange but then I saw this prompt and uhhhhh got way carried away 😅 I hope this lived up to what you were imagining and if not maybe the second part which was too long for the secret santa will help 💛
> 
> I'm finally on that "use song lyrics as your fic title" bandwagon and this one is from [Animal Mask](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3bV40rEfko) by the Mountain Goats.
> 
> credit for the lovely banner goes to [inkvoices](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkvoices/pseuds/inkvoices), I believe 💛💛💜

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this edition we get Natasha and Bucky's new backstories :) and an introduction to Clint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the off chance you've read this before, the new section starts with "After his and the girls' graduation ceremony,"! Hope you enjoy~

"Well if it isn't the Wonder Twins."

The bully's sneer is not unfamiliar to Steve or Natasha. Something about the pair of them was apparently unnatural, attracting the ire of many of their classmates.

They both turn.

"What do you want, Kevin." Steve says, clearly unimpressed.

"Just wondering what I did wrong to have to look at the two of you."

"You. You were the one who stopped us," Steve replies, rolling his eyes.

This is the wrong thing to say. From the grin on Steve's face, he definitely knows this. Natasha darts in front of Steve as the bully advances, it gives him pause, even though his fist is already in the air.

"Do you really want to hit a girl, Kevin?" Natasha grins, mirroring Steve.

Kevin frowns, his desire for violence warring with what his ma will do if she finds out he hit a girl. In the end, he lowers his fist. So he has no chance to block the blow as Natasha lands a right hook straight on his mouth. She thinks she sees a tooth flying.

"You're gonna get in trouble with your parents again… when're you gonna stop picking fights like that?" Steve sighs as they watch Kevin scurry off.

"Probably whenever you stop getting yourself into trouble." Natasha replies, wiping the blood off of her knuckles on her skirt.

\---

"I went to the enlistment center today," Steve tells her.

Natasha frowns, concern furrowing her brow.

"Don't worry," Steve chuckles, "they basically laughed me out of there. First they claimed I wasn't even 15… then they said they wouldn't take me even if I was."

"Well I guess we'll just have to find another way, then." Natasha nods, fire in her eyes.

"I mean if they won't even let me into the building anymore, how'm I gonna—“

Natasha takes great joy watching Steve run face first into realizing what she’d just said.

"Wait. We?"

"You didn't think you'd get away from me that easy, did you?"

Steve laughs, shaking his whole frail body. It's a laugh Natasha's heard less and less of since the war started. She does her best to commit it to memory.

\---

"I still don't see how we're going to enlist. Neither of us are going to pass the health exam."

Natasha rolls her eyes, "Soldiers aren't the only ones needed to win a war."

"Is this another 'Steve, stop being such a meat-headed man' moment?"

"You said it, not me." Natasha smiles innocently at him.

She leads them to a part of the city he’s never been to before and into a building he would have never thought the public was allowed into.

"My friend and I want to help in the war." Natasha declares once they've gotten to the recruiting desk.

The recruiter gives them each a long, probing look. "On the front or off?"

Natasha and Steve share a glance.

"On." they say at the same time.

"Shame. I have a feeling you'd do some good work behind the front lines.” the recruiter says with a lingering look at Natasha, “Here, the medical division is always shorthanded. Hope you're fast learners."

They take the papers held out to them by the recruiter. Steve holds his with slightly trembling hands.

\---

"Natasha can't believe her eyes when none other than _Steve Rogers_ is the famous, nazi-punching, revue singing Captain America himself.

"You're _huge_ now!" she says when she convinces the dancers guarding his dressing room that she's the 'girl' Steve keeps talking about.

She thinks she hears them cooing appreciatively when Steve picks her up and _swings_ her around the moment he sees her.

"Alright!" she laughs, "Hey, I don't know if this is going to work for me if you insist on crushing me."

"Sorry! Uh, still getting used to all of this."

And that bashful reluctance is all Steve. _Her_ Steve.

"So that scientist was a mad scientist after all, huh." Nat circles Steve, assessing the rather extreme transformation his body has gone through.

The spandex outfit is… interesting. It seems absolutely useless in a real fight, except to maybe blind any opponents. And that's a real long shot.

"Yeah. Crazy story. He used me as a test subject to see how his 'super soldier serum' would work on 'real' soldiers and then the nazis showed up and—”

"You're pulling my leg."

"All true. Although I think Peggy is the only one who survived who'd vouch for me. You two'd get on like a house on fire, by the way. Only person I've seen with a meaner right hook than you."

Natasha grins at him sidelong.

"Whoah, wait nononono—”

"Oh. Yes. You love a woman who can punch harder than you. Do you need a wing man? I know how useless you are at talking to girls you like."

"Natasha…"

"Don't 'Natasha' me. C'mon, let's go. She's here, right?"

"That's— we can't. I mean, I have a plan. And also we can't right now, anyway."

Natasha raises an eyebrow to say 'Oh really? Why?'

"I’ve got a mission tonight. A big one. We could possibly end the war."

"That sounds important but I fail to see how this would keep you from seeing the girl you're sweet on before you leave."

"Peggy works for British Intelligence. She's preparing."

Natasha makes a silent 'oh' with her mouth.

"She promised we’d have a dance at the V-day celebration when I get back. When we both do."

Natasha blinks at him, then nods once, decisively. "Well then I'm coming with you." Steve opens his mouth to protest but Natasha keeps going, "You already said the best right hook isn't coming with you. So you'll have to take the second best instead. And give me a chance to reclaim my title."

Steve sighs. "Alright. It's not like I can talk you out of anything once you've decided, anyway."

"Hell yes." Natasha grins victoriously. "Now where're we off to?"

\---

Punching nazis, Natasha learns, is infinitely more rewarding than punching all of the school age bullies in their old neighborhood. She thinks it's the dawning horror in their eyes as they realize she's not some lost or fawning waif and also they're in a lot of fucking trouble for not taking her seriously sooner.

So that's what she thinks of when she's hanging off the back of the train. She can see Steve yelling something but she can't hear it over the rushing wind and pounding blood in her ears.

Then her arm gives out. In that… it's not there anymore, suddenly. Even through the cold and the adrenaline, the pain rips through her whole body.

But she doesn't think about it too much. She won't have to worry about it considering the long drop to certain death she's currently engaged in.

She squeezes her eyes closed so instead of seeing the pain and horror etched on Steve's face, she sees the pain and horror she put on a nazi's face as she'd kicked him soundly in the balls.

\---

When she wakes up, she knows she shouldn't be here. Wherever "here" is.

She jolts. And discovers heavy restraints holding her to whatever surface she's strapped to.

A man is whispering something sickly sweet in her ear that she can't understand and is fairly confident she never wants to.

\---

There's something _wrong_ with her arm... It's heavy. Like it's been asleep for too long. She can move it but all the effort is in her shoulder and— 

\---

Every time she wakes up, she's so cold. Even with all the blood she's bathed herself in.

But when she sleeps, all she dreams of is horror-struck blue eyes and a face that rapidly slips from her mind's eye, as if it's being erased in real time.

She much prefers the cold.

* * *

James doesn't quite understand why he can't see his parents anymore. He doesn't cry because his

мама told him he had to be a brave boy for her.

But his eyes still ache from keeping the tears inside.

All the other children here are girls, which the grown-ups say is lucky for him- he's special now- but at night they all descend on him like flies.

When they're young it's all hair pulling and bruises.

When they're older and James is larger than most of them, it's emotional blows. Those scars are easier to hide but so much harder to heal.

"Your training progresses well. So well, we require outside help."

There's movement in the cold shadows and suddenly there's a woman there. Her hair is a red befit for a Black Widow. Her arm is exposed with a metallic gleam, and her eyes are a dark smudge.

A hushed whisper ripples through the other girls, cold as the look in this strange woman's eyes.

"You'll be reporting to the Winter Soldier for the rest of your training."

When the icy gaze of the Soldier turns to them, they instinctively straighten to attention. She waits several long deep breaths before moving. James is getting the sense that the Soldier works on a different time scale than they're used to. They're taught to be vipers: circling and striking and always moving. She's slow and steady like an iceberg. Patient and eroding everything around her.

"You will show me how you fight. Then I will teach you how to use your size as an advantage," she finally says, only after their muscles begin to tremble from standing still for so long.

It's a relief to subject himself to the knife-sharp grin of his sparring partner. She gets him to tap out once, but he wins the other two bouts.

"Enough.”

The sparring pairs separate immediately. The Soldier takes a moment to survey all of them before she picks out James. But for once, in her flat gaze, he doesn't feel any less than the other girls. He feels… useful.

"These are the basic takedowns. Have them memorized by tomorrow."

She then wraps her thighs around his neck and throws him to the ground using her body weight as a fulcrum, knocking all of the breath out of him. None of the other Widows had managed to down him so thoroughly in… years.

Then she does it 15 more times, all reckless uses of her entire mass against him.

When they leave the training room that day, he can't breathe properly the rest of the night. When he goes to the infirmary, they tell him he's fine. Which is even more concerning.

The next day she tests all of them. Using him, of course. Only about half of them succeed and none without notes from the Soldier. They get more homework and more notes and he continues to be a training dummy for them. The girls grow bolder again, as they learn more and more ways to overcome his size advantage.

This goes on for weeks, even spilling into their lessons. Then it's a few more weeks until the Soldier seems to notice anything is going on.

"James. Stay. Everyone else: dismissed."

It's the first time she gives any indication she knows _any_ of their names, let alone _his_.

"Your handlers… told me to disregard your progress in favor of the other Widows'," she starts.

James wilts. It's too hard to keep up the perfect dancer posture after spending all day being physically thrown. And now emotionally, as well.

"I… remember what it's like to be underestimated. So I want to train you, too. To help you to prove them wrong."

"You… want to help? Me?"

James is floundering. This is the most he'd heard the Soldier talk. And the thought that she’s invested enough in _him_ to want to help is making him dizzy again, like the first day, when he’d spent more time on the mat then off of it.

"Why? I mean why now?"

"It's… becoming clearer to me. The longer I'm here…" She shakes her head as if to clear it, then nods towards the practice ring. "Let's see what work we have to do."

She sits in between the ropes of the ring, lifting the top rope with her shoulder and pushing the middle rope down with her body weight, creating a wider space for James to enter through. He steps through carefully, anticipating her first attack and dances around her quick sweep at his legs. She's always cared little for waiting for her opponents-slash-victims to be ready for the start of a bout. He thinks he sees a slight smile on her face as she transitions into a punch from her metal arm.

He mostly stays on the defensive, feeling more comfortable fighting around her, taking shots only when it's absolutely safe to.

Their macabre dance continues until the Soldier stops when her metal fist is an inch from his face, finally at a point in their spar that he couldn't quite dodge one of her attacks. James is panting, his body feeling sluggish from prolonged exertion. She's breathing fast but she's not even started sweating yet.

She lowers her fist. "Good. Tomorrow night I'll make sure you're not falling behind on the takedowns."

He feels an excited prickling creeping up his spine at the prospect of training each night with her. Even if it means getting thrown down over and over by her.

"Yes, солдат." he answers as levelly as he can.

She shudders, jerking away from the title that they'd all been using to address her.

"Don't…" James can see her jaw working, as if chewing through a thought, "Call me… Natalia."

* * *

After his and the girls' graduation ceremony, Natalia— no, the Winter Soldier— disappears. One night she's there, the next she's gone. Like a dream he'd had of a better time. James— the Black Widow— doesn't have attachments, though. So he shuts that memory away, tucks it in an imaginary space between his ribs. And he climbs.

James climbs and climbs in the Red Room. Farther than any of his handlers thought a male Black Widow could go. Their experiment just for breeding stock has gone better than anyone would have hoped. All so he can prove to  _ someone _ that he's worth something on his own.

"You've attracted the attention of the Americans. You need to take care of it before it gets out of hand," his handler says.

James nods. Because if he says that this makes no sense he'll be demoted. Decommissioned. Possibly worse. He takes his Widow's Bites and doesn't return until he has the heads (and security codes) of the three SHIELD agents.

He's promoted back to regular fieldwork. Until the archer shows up.

"One of SHIELD's best," he's told, "You attracted his attention and now you have to deal with him as well."

James wonders what else the handlers expected to happen while he lays an elaborate trap made perfect for a sniper.

The arrow with a note attached is… a neat trick, he has to admit to himself and no one else ever.

'Nice try.' it says in the worst handwriting James has ever had the misfortune of reading.

\---

He doesn't know why he keeps the note.

\---

James finds the archer with the help of the previous agents' information. Codename Hawkeye is still on active duty, working with other agents in other countries. And James has the advantage here. His attention won't be split.

From various nearby coffee shops, bookstores and libraries, James learns SHIELD's best is apparently an accident prone, coffee-addicted blonde.

James sends back the location of several SHIELD safehouses to the Red Room.

He briefly tries to figure out how to attach a note to one of his Widow's Bite cartridges.

Then the Hawkeye is getting dressed up in a suit and tie and James gets an invite to that gala and a suit. Hawkeye's backup agent is easy to take care of, leaving the senior SHIELD agent unguarded.

He shadows his mark through the crowd. He feels like a predator once again let loose to hunt, the simultaneous thrill and comfort making his movements feel like a knife passing over a whetstone.

He intends to follow the archer to somewhere… more private. To really get an up close and personal kill. But then there's a flash in the corner of his eye. The one he's keeping on his SHIELD agent. He reacts on instinct and the body falling between them might as well be a centuries old redwood. It shakes something in both of them.

\----

James is enjoying a rare morning off from Hawkeye stalking when a note arrives with his tea. When he asks the server who gave him the note, he points to a nearby table that's already empty.

James supposes it's smarter of him to not get within striking distance of a Black Widow.

'See you soon.' the note says in Barton's infuriatingly familiar scrawl.

\----

In retrospect, he should have read it for the warning that it was. But hindsight isn't all that useful now that he's boxed in at the bottom of an alley facing down an archer.

So he does the only thing he can. He throws down his guns. Divests himself of a full baker's dozen of knives and at the end feels more naked than he's been with any of his marks.

Hell. Even in the compound he sleeps with a knife under his pillow and a gun hidden in the mattress.

"Come on. You don't have any Black Widow venoms or anything?" Agent Barton probes, his arrow not wavering a hair.

"Obviously." Bucky nods to a pouch on his catsuit. "But those are really only useful when taken orally. Plus maybe having an anti-venom around would be useful to SHIELD."

"Bargaining chip. Got it. Seriously, though. Nothing else?"

James shakes his head 'no'. Ignoring the first note he has folded into the hidden pouches under the Widow Bites.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I can't figure out how to add notes to the end of a first chapter so: if you've read this before, the 3rd section of the first chapter (right under the section that ends with: ""Don't…" James can see her jaw working, as if chewing through a thought, "Call me… Natalia.") is new!
> 
> Also I'm adding a bunch of content back into this fic that I cut to meet the original word count goal. The 3rd section I added because I felt like there wasn't really much development of the Clint/Bucky side of things... and now hopefully I will be adding more!
> 
> In this section, the first part is new and follows Iron Man 3 👀👀👀 AKA: lots of Bucky a) flirting with Tony and b) being a competent badass

"Are you sure this is my new assistant?"

It's been five minutes being in Stark's presence and James is already regretting not letting Bobbi take this assignment.

"He comes highly recommended. Impeccable references, speaks like five languages, so yes. I'm sure." Pepper Potts leans closer to Stark to stage whisper to him. "Also if I don't get someone to take over my assistant responsibilities immediately I will quit and I will take Mr. Barker with me."

James smiles his best goody-two-shoes smile at the both of them. Stark agrees and Potts leaves them.

"Ms. Potts took the liberty of getting me up to speed with all her usual duties." He smiles and tilts his head in an exact imitation of the other Red Room girls. "Is there anything else I can do for you, though?"

Stark jerks in his chair. Then is suddenly incredibly absorbed in his tablet.

"Uhh. Y'know what, I just remembered something I need for the lab. If you can figure out how to source it for me I'll skip the afternoon smoothie run. Pepper says the traffic is hell at that hour."

"Consider it done, Mr. Stark." James half-purrs.

He has the satisfaction of spotting a blush creeping up the back of Stark's neck on his way out. Whoever figured out  _ that _ detail on Stark probably deserves a promotion. Not that he has plans to confirm it to anyone. They already chose to send him on this mission, after all.

\----

James arrives back at Stark Tower just after lunch, a few star-struck chemical engineers in tow.

"Wait." Stark rounds the corner to the kitchen as JARVIS is directing the engineers on where to deposit their cargo. "Wait, you got that  _ today _ ?! I just needed the  _ invoice _ for that order. You must hate traffic more than I do."

James takes a distinctive slurp from his own mango smoothie, sliding Stark's own order towards him. The other man's jaw drops as he looks like he's been presented an impossible choice between the two deliveries.

"Will that be all, Mr. Stark?" James' smile stops just short of a smirk.

\----

Monaco is supposed to be a reward. And it would be for newly promoted executive assistant Jamie Barker.  _ James _ , however, has been to Monaco at least a dozen times. So while he can auto-pilot himself to pick up Clint's favorite baklava and send taunting pictures of him enjoying said baklava, he still has to turn up the slightly-out-of-his-depth-yet-still-competent-assistant energy once Stark, Pepper and Happy arrive.

Tony, of course, picks a table near the windows instead of the much more defensible table he'd reserved for their party earlier. Then while James is apologizing profusely to the front of house manager, there's a commotion back in the dining area and James discovers that walking chaos field Tony Stark has not only commandeered a race car, but is now being attacked by a man with plasma whips attached to his arms. The front of house manager suddenly has much bigger problems than last minute table changes and disappears as Happy and Pepper appear, ramming into Tony's attacker. Their screaming bickering is audible even through the race track cameras and James is desperately glad they left without him because he can't have guaranteed anyone's safety in that scenario.

Luckily for all of them, they return non-screaming.

"You speak French, right?" Stark asks.

"Yes," he and Pepper answer at the same time.

They trade a sidelong glance.

"Good. I need a translator. We're going to jail."

James has no idea how Stark was planning on getting into the jail  _ just _ with a translator. You'd probably need a whole legal team for this, normally. He manages to talk around what each side is saying to negotiate for them to have five minutes  _ alone _ with Plasma Whip Man.

And he does it in the time it takes them to walk from the front doors of the prison to the holding cell.

Vanko is Russian. But luckily for James, chooses to speak to Tony in English, giving him more time to memorize all of Vanko's various tattoos. He breathes a bit easier when nothing he can see is connected to HYDRA or the Red Room.

Once they're finished, James is confident this isn't the start of a larger move on Stark's life or business and he can safely go back into translator mode as Tony uses him to thank the French officers.

\----

"So how's babysitting going, Barnes?" Coulson calls him as soon as they’re back in the States.

"I know you're watching the news right now." James pinches the bridge of his nose.

"We always knew that was going to be the nature of this assignment. Director Fury is shipping us both overnight."

"A little shock and awe?"

"He wants to blow your cover." Coulson seems regretful about that one.

"Oh a  _ lot _ of shock and awe. Wait. But I still have to stay with Stark?"

"If it's any consolation, I'll also be on baby-sitting duty."

James grins, "Not really. I'll see you soon."

After their phone call, James is up all night preparing for SHIELD's arrival. So by the time Fury leaves and Coulson is already threatening Stark, he figures it's safe enough to pass out.

When he wakes up, it's to an e-mail from Pepper saying he doesn't have to work for Stark anymore if he doesn't want to. With Coulson here, he says what the hell, this will basically be a vacation.

Pepper is simultaneously in disaster management mode and putting the finishing touches for Stark Expo. She's endlessly thankful for James' calm handling of all of this and James wishes he could get more satisfaction from her praise. Then Tony comes by Pepper’s office, doing an embarrassingly bad job at apologizing to her and calls him a duplicitous triple agent.

It's only a lifetime of hiding behind masks that stops him from grinning in manic glee.

\----

Hammer blows everything up— how could he not with a name like that?— and James finds himself both keeping Pepper safe and running ops for Tony and Rhodey.

In the rubble of Stark Expo, Pepper turns to him, "You're not really just the best executive assistant ever, are you?"

James smiles at her, shrugging.

"I'm guessing there's no way I can convince you to stay?"

"Sorry." James says, "If I find someone with my qualifications looking for a job, I'll let you know."

* * *

“Agent Barton's been compromised."

Coulson's voice sends a dark slither of fear through James. He barely remembers breaking the chair he's tied to. Or what he does to his marks to get to extraction. By the time he's landed on the helicarrier, he can't even unclench his jaw enough to greet Coulson on the platform. Coulson takes one look at him and sits him down in the mess with an entire pot of tea. At some point, Maria appears with coffee for her and Phil.

"We need you on handling duty for the assets." Maria says once their coffees are done. "Can you do it?"

James stiffens. It's the wrong thing to say, it pushes all the Red Room inadequacy buttons programmed into him. So it's also the exact right thing to say.

"Do you know where he is?" he hears himself asking.

"He was stationed with Selvig when Loki attacked. Since then he's been using his SHIELD devices and connections to get a huge amount of supplies not in line with the doctor's research. We assume Loki has taken control somehow," Maria states.

"We know he's alive. We know where he is and what he's doing. We just need the team together to deal with Loki." Coulson finishes.

"I'll be the first to know if anything changes." James looks up from his empty tea mug, finally.

They both nod.

"Then I can do it."

"Barnes and Rogers will be here tomorrow first thing." Maria says before getting up from their table.

\----

Banner and Rogers are easy enough to handle. James thanks his past self for not recommending Stark for the project. He wouldn’t be able to handle Stark right now.

They’re all called up to the bridge when Loki makes his appearance. In Germany. Far from where they’d stationed Selvig.

"Barnes, you're on air support." Fury tells him once Rogers and Banner are loaded up.

"We know you want a shot at Loki. You'll get it," Maria says before James can argue.

"You have other skills to leverage and we need you to be a surprise to Loki," Coulson adds.

"… You're going to capture him." James says.

"It'll be the fastest way to find Agent Barton. And figure out what Loki is after." Coulson nods.

"Alright. See you soon plus one Norse god."

\----

James ends up returning not only with one Norse god, but two. And Stark. So, you win some you lose some. Fortunately for him, he doesn’t have to deal with Stark for long. Fury tasks James with getting information out of Loki as soon as they load him off of the jet. He’s not really sure who out-manipulated who, but ultimately James is the one who gets information that’s useful to the Avengers’ goals.

And then it all starts going sideways.

James still isn't quite sure if Fury's plan was to trick Loki into bringing Clint here to free him, or if that was just an unexpected bonus.

Fighting Banner and Clint at the same time is not exactly his idea of a good time, but once he gets Clint in close quarters, there's a sort of satisfaction in having some of his own moves used against him. Moves he'd never explicitly taught Clint, even. Things he must’ve picked up from them working together for so long.

James wonders what he’s picked up from Clint.

Now, sitting against Clint, pressing against each other's bruises in all the wrong ways, the pain feels grounding. It’s just them. And their battered but still working bodies and no time to contemplate the implications of mind-manipulating  _ gods  _ .

They pull each other off the bench and more or less fall into New York.

The battle is pure survival instinct, and by the time the portal is closed and Loki is subdued, James feels less like a human and more like a gun that's run through all its bullets and was then used to severely bludgeon someone.

Tony somehow finds a place that's both open and willing to serve them shawarma. They all find their seats around the table as if they’d eaten together a hundred times before. Clint barely needs to shift to the side before James is resting a leg on the outside of Clint's chair. The contact is reassuring. Feeling the slight movements of Rogers on one side of him and Clint on the other makes him feel not totally adrift, at least.

* * *

  
  


After the Battle of New York, the Avengers become a household name with SHIELD not far behind. Which is to say, Clint and Bucky are pulling double duty working higher profile missions at SHIELD and helping out with the Avengers when they can.

And the higher profile missions mean they’re often getting their briefings straight from Director Fury, now.

Fury slides a folder across his desk at them.

Clint looks from Bucky to the file. It's marked with several kinds of "CONFIDENTIAL" stamps. The ones that mean you're not supposed to take this out of Fury's line of sight. He looks back to Bucky.

"HYDRA?" Bucky reads aloud as he skims.

"Lots of activity lately. I need you to split up so we can cover more ground," Fury explains.

"You want me with Cap and STRIKE again?" Bucky asks.

Fury nods.

"And me?"

"Maybe read the file right in front of you, Barton." Fury grins sardonically.

Bucky's smirk grows to full power. Clint glares at Bucky while trying to also read the file.

“You’re both wheels up in 15. Better get packing.” Fury sing-songs at them while kicking them out of his office.

Clint and Bucky turn to face each other at the branch of the hallway where they have to go separate ways to get to their quarters.

“See you soon?” Clint says.

Bucky nods, rubbing a spot under his collar bone. “I’ll give Steve your love.”

Clint almost asks about it, he’s never known Bucky to have a nervous tell, but then again maybe he’s just another form of Black Widow honesty. Hiding one less thing from his partner. So he doesn’t point it out.

“You better.” Clint smiles.

Bucky’s hand falls away from the spot he was worrying as he smiles back.

\----

Natalia sights her target. He moves between her sightlines just before she’s able to pull the trigger. Maybe he knows she's there. Maybe he's trying to warn the person whose apartment he broke into. 

But she's the Winter Soldier and she always gets her mark.

The old man falls to the floor.

His friend doesn't cower like she'd predicted, he rushes to the roof instead. They stare at each other across the tops of their respective buildings. Then she turns and runs.

She hears the 'shing' of thrown metal and turns on instinct to block the projectile. The impact sends a shock through her body. She didn't quite expect to find a  _ shield  _ embedded in her palm.

She turns to look at him over her shoulder. Then falls.

\---

Steve has no idea how James gets to his apartment so soon, but he lets him up to poke around the fancy new bullet holes there, anyway.

"Fury's the one who's always trusted me." Bucky takes a shaky breath, looking at the blood left on Steve's floor. "Clint brought me in, Fury said 'don't fuck up' and that was it."

"Wait… he didn't give you the whole thing on 'the last person who I trusted gave me this scar' talk?"

James scoffs, "Is that what he told you? He got that from  _ a cat  _ ."

Steve opens his mouth and shuts it a few times. By the time he remembers that James is an absolute  _ pest  _ , he's already gone.

\---

The next time James turns up, it's outside Fury's hospital room. He's not sure if James was just late or if he was waiting to ambush him.

"Why was Fury in  _ your  _ apartment, Steve?"

James doesn't take his eyes off Steve, even as Rumlow tells Steve to come back to SHIELD HQ.

He doesn't quite meet James' eyes when he responds. When Steve tells him he doesn’t know why Fury was there. So James tells him he's a terrible liar. And when Steve goes back to the Triskellion, James goes nowhere near it.

He sends Clint a message in a code they'd invented after Budapest. If he gets it, he'll go to ground and Bucky won't hear back from his partner until they can meet in person again. So, fresh out of asses to kick (since he waited until the SHIELD agents had cleared out), he chews some bubblegum.

When Steve returns a few hours later, James doesn't resist as Steve backs him into the supply closet, holding him up against the wall there, grinning to himself the whole time.

"I know who killed Fury." James offers.

He explains his first run in with the Winter Soldier. "Bye bye bikinis," he adds sarcastically.

"I bet you still look great in bikinis," Steve responds.

"Aw. Didn’t know you cared, Rogers. Now. Should we see what's on this drive?"

\----

"Seriously? You're taking me to a  _ mall  _ ?" Steve frowns slightly.

"Follow my lead, Cap and we might get out of here alive."

Bucky takes Steve's hand and lets a sappy smile fall into place on his face.

"Okay. That's scary."

"Still haven't updated from the 40s on this one?" Bucky holds up their joined hands.

"No. I mean… yes. Just… your face."

Bucky lets a real grin through the mask. "You do know what I do for a living, yes? Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable. Gay couples even more so. They'll just see us as a gay couple… whatever that means to them. They won't be looking at  _ us  _ ."

"You're a real ray of sunshine, you know that, Barnes?" Steve frowns slightly at James’ description of the scenario.

But Steve follows him through the mall, anyway and they easily slip through the fingers of Rumlow’s team. Bucky even discovers that people from the 40s still knew how to kiss. Either that or Steve’s been getting some practice, which means his matchmaking efforts hadn’t been going to waste this whole time.

The data on the USB drive leads them to an old bunker in New Jersey. They meet one of the heads of HYDRA, encoded in old tape decks or some nonsense. Tape decks that can apparently call in missile strikes from SHIELD. Luckily Bucky’s phone buzzes, warning them of the impending attack.

"30 seconds." Bucky reads aloud.

He meets Steve's eyes from across the room. Steve barely has to lift his arm before Bucky is charging at him. Steve curls around them both as best as he can, keeping the shield over their heads. The blast replaces all of the air with fire. And then the debris hits them.

\---

After digging themselves out of the remains of that bunker, Steve insists they need an ally and Bucky insists he needs a shower. Sam is impressively unperturbed when they say they need to hide from the government in his house. Then he suggests that they steal a government prototype, kidnap Sitwell to  _ drop him off a roof  _ and Bucky is delighted to have Sam on the team.

The "roadtrip from hell", as Sam would later refer to it, starts with their window getting punched in and Sitwell getting ripped out of the backseat— seat belt and all— before any of them can even scream.

Well. Sitwell might have managed it at the end, there. Hard to tell at the speed they're moving.

James anticipates what's coming next. He rolls into the front seat as the shot comes through the roof over where he’d just been sitting. Steve's arms are around his waist, which makes it easier for Bucky to wrap his arms behind Steve's neck and lever him forward, narrowly pulling him out of the way of the next shot.

Sam slams the brakes. Their assailant flies off the roof of the car, bounces once, then digs their  _ metal hand  _ into the pavement until they slide to a stop. All while never leaving a crouch. James has what feels like a lifetime to fixate on that red hair. He’d know her hair anywhere. The Winter Soldier’s hair.

He knows his mouth is hanging open but he can't do anything to close it. Even though it would cause Steve to ask too many questions.

But then the Soldier raises her head. Blackout goggles like bug eyes stare straight through him. James raises his gun on instinct. He's seen that look— that  _ muzzle  _ — on her before and it means she has no idea who she is, let alone who they are.

Before he can decide if he needs to shoot or not, they're rammed from behind. James loses his gun in the impact. By the time he finds it, Sam is bemoaning the loss of their steering wheel. Steve is jamming the shield into the game between his side and the car door. James has to agree with his plan to bail and folds himself under Steve's arm once again, both of them grabbing a handful of Sam in order to haul him along with them. A final shove to the door and they're sledding down the highway. James loses hold of Sam, then loses track of Steve after Steve gets himself  _ RPG'd off of a bridge  _ . Another two RPGs are aimed directly at him and James gets the hint.

He lets the next grenade carry him over the edge of the highway, dropping his gun in favor of his grappling hook, landing more or less safely on the underside of the bridge. He waits. And when he gets a shot, aims straight for those soulless lenses.

When she reappears over the ledge, goggle-less and firing wildly, James has to give up his position. He can't help shooting a victorious grin up at her before getting out of sight and out of range of her rifle.

He knows the Soldier moves slowly, which James uses to his advantage. He baits a trap with a recording on his SHIELD phone (which isn't good for much now, anyway), then finds somewhere to hide and dig out anything that would be useful against a metal-armed super soldier.

The Soldier lumbers into his trap, hearing his recording and then softly rolling a grenade under the car he'd placed the phone by.

Natasha using a grenade to try and off him is a bit of overkill, yes, but it also serves as an excellent opportunity for him to latch onto her back and try to outmuscle her with a garrote. She gets her hand under the wire and after struggling against each other for a moment, the Soldier remembers her feet and uses her superior strength to send James flying onto the pavement. But James tucks and rolls and as she’s taking aim at him, he throws the miniature EMP onto her arm.

The metal arm spasms and seizes up and James doesn’t waste any time before fleeing.

He's still running, trying to navigate the river of panicked civilians, when the Soldier hits him square in the shoulder. He drops down behind a car and tries to use the nearby car mirrors to figure out where she even managed to shoot him from.

Their eyes meet through the scope of her rifle. James tenses to dodge her next shot- if he even can- but one never comes. Instead there's the telltale clang of Steve's shield. When James looks, The Soldier is holding Steve’s shield. Steve and her stare at each other for a beat. Then she whips the shield at Steve, as if to rub in that he has no built in defense against his own weapon. The shield embeds itself halfway into an overturned truck, but Steve just runs past it, intent on getting to the Soldier. They trade bone breaking, lightning fast blows until the Soldier gets a knife into her hand. And then it's a bit like watching art in motion for James. Watching her toss and weave and strike with the knife all while keeping up with Steve's blows sort of makes James fall in love with her again.

He blinks. And pretends the blood loss is to blame for that errant thought.

Not getting anywhere merely trading punches, Steve starts breaking out the flying knees and suplexes and the Soldier starts really utilizing the arm. She nearly punches straight through the road when aiming for Steve's head. Steve dodges just in time and somehow manages to fight his way back to his shield, using it to catch a metal-enhanced back elbow from the Soldier before hitting her in the face with the front of the shield.

James watches the mask hit the ground.

He sees Natasha scowl as her face is revealed.

"…. Natasha?"

James barely hears Steve speaking.

"Who the fuck is Natasha?" she says, raising her gun.

James is already in front of Steve, though, hunched over slightly as his shoulder insists this is not the time for heroics.

Natasha's eyes go wide— a crack in her brainwashing James can practically feel the edges of.

With the two of them staring her down, she bolts.

As if this is some sort of signal, Rumlow’s STRIKE team descends upon them in numbers they have no chance of overpowering. Especially not in their current condition.

James offers little resistance as the corrupt unit puts him in reinforced restraints and into the back of an armored transport. Steve offers even less. He doesn't even talk until they're well out of the city and James is woozy from blood loss.

"That was Natasha. She looked right at me and she didn't even know me," he says.

It’s quiet enough that James isn't entirely sure Steve knows he just said that out loud.

"Even when I had nothing… I had Natasha," he continues.

James' head lolls back onto the side of the van.

"Yeah, well. Could be worse," he says without really meaning to.

Sam turns to him, probably to ask him what the fuck is wrong with him, but stops when he sees the blood leaking from James' shoulder.

"Hey, he's gonna bleed out if we don't put pressure on that wound," Sam tries to appeal to the guards.

The nearest goon brandishes their cattle prod at Sam. Then suddenly turns and shocks the second goon. The first goon rips off their helmet, revealing none other than Maria Hill.

"Hill what the fuck. You were just going to let me bleed out back here?" James growls.

Then promptly passes out.

\----

They strap Natalia into the chair. The arm has seen a lot of action in its last outing and needs to see some maintenance.

The chair always brings back memories. Only now she feels like she has too many in her head. In one life she remembers her best friend, blonde hair and blue eyes, screaming for her as she falls off of a train.

The same man she'd seen today. The same fall she's had nightmares about almost every time they put her back on ice.

In the other life, though, is the scientist. He'd never bothered to tell her his name, but told her her own name instead. Natalia Romanova, the fist of HYDRA. And that life, which seemed so clear, is shattering around her. Fragments- mostly filled with violence and gunfire… and occasionally dark hair and piercing blue eyes- shattering around her. It all builds up around her until she's tense enough that a stray move from the scientist near her arm causes her to flinch, throwing him across the room with unexpected force.

They should have put her back on ice for that, but instead the politician is asking her for a mission report. So she presses her luck. If she knows either of their names, she feels it could untangle some of the mess of her brain.

"The men on the bridge… who are they?" she asks.

Her answer is a backhand. Then the politician lies, saying she'd met them only earlier this week. But politicians lying isn't a surprise. Instead he tries to spin her some bright HYDRA future. By dodging her question, she knows HYDRA is desperate.

She sees two paths before her, mirroring the two lives now warring in her head.

She nods. One sharp motion. The politician smiles and leans away from her.

"Good. Alright, don’t put her back in cryo. She’ll need to be sharp for the mission." He waves away the scientists’ protests as he strides out of the room.

Natalia lets her eyes slip closed, glad to have more time to try and uncover the truth of why those two men are turning her brain inside out.

\----

Steve finds James in his hospital bed, bandage prominent on his shoulder and a file balanced on one knee in front of him. The only sign he gives to acknowledge Steve's presence is to quickly pull his hand away from the spot it was moving over near the edge of his bandage.

"You also know her," Steve says.

James' only response is a quirked eyebrow over the top of the file.

"In the truck. You said I could have it worse."

"I'd also lost a liter of blood. According to Wilson, anyway." James replies absent-mindedly, as if most of his attention is still on the file.

"Then your reaction on the bridge suddenly made a lot more sense when I figured out you also know her," Steve continues as if James hadn't said anything.

James flips to the next page languidly, "You know, Rogers, people think you're just a pretty face but I think there might be more going on up there then you want people to know about."

Steve smiles wryly, " _ That  _ might be a bit of a projection."

"Glad the feeling is mutual, then," James finally makes eye contact with Steve long enough to wink at him.

"Alright, listen. You don't have to tell me how but… She seemed to snap out of whatever it is they did to her when I said her name and when she saw both of us. I think  _ we  _ can… get her out of it."

James sighs, finally putting the file aside and sitting up straighter in the bed, pulling his knee all the way up to his chest, "It generally doesn't work like that. It's usually how long she's been away from their reprogramming. But also it was only ever me… maybe having a deeper connection with her will work better."

Steve blinks.

"When did you first see her? 5 days ago? That does seem like an accelerated schedule."

"Should I just leave you alone to make a plan?" Steve asks after James doesn't say anything else for a few minutes.

James reaches for the file and flips it over to write on the backs of the papers. Steve figures this is as much of a dismissal as he's going to get.

Steve stops in the doorway, "And Buck… whatever you come up with I'll back you 100%."

When Steve looks over his shoulder, James is touching the same spot as earlier. Only this time the change in position makes it easier to see the small arrow tattooed just under his collar bone.

"Hey, Cap." he says, scribbling fastidiously, “You might want to pick up a costume. Specifically the one in the Smithsonian."

James looks up momentarily, a smirk playing on the edge of his lips. "Just make sure they don't accidentally put you in their fossil collection."

Steve scoffs lightly on his way out of James’ room.

\---

Steve does show up in his original costume.

Maria raises an eyebrow at him as Sam stifles a yawn. She gives them the mission rundown. With the Soldier coming after them, their best bet is to stick together and replace the targeting blades in each of the three helicarriers one by one. The chaos of SHIELD splintering very publicly means there’s not much advantage to hitting each helicarrier separately and leaving the trio more vulnerable by working separately.

"We won’t have a lot of room to maneuver." Maria looks at Steve, also. "But I'll give you as much time as I can to talk your girl down."

Steve tips his head forward in thanks.

"So… we do a hands in thing here or…" Sam prospectively puts his hand towards the center of their small group.

The rest look at his hand and then turn to walk over the hill to the Triskellion.

"This is a bad way to start a team thing!" Sam shouts after them.

\--- 

The three of them together might as well be taking a brisk walk in the park for all the resistance they encounter in the first two helicarriers. They get Maria's override blades placed into the targeting arrays barely breaking a sweat.

"The Soldier just popped up." Hill's voice comes through as sharp and matter-of-fact as always.

Even when James can hear the gunfire in the background of her audio.

"Where?" Steve prompts her.

"She's on the ground for— wait, never mind. Hm" Hill pauses. "Well she just destroyed our entire fleet of jets with her bare hands."

Hill pauses again. The clicking on the line indicates she's finding new camera feeds to look at. James, Sam and Steve clear another floor of their last helicarrier. Steve is speaking with a small group of starstruck SHIELD agents.

"She's headed straight for you." Hill tells them.

James might be imagining it in the anticipation of the confrontation, but he imagines even Hill's message is more rushed than normal.

"We better move," James says, then turns to the other agents, "Take the escape pods on the lower levels, you don't want to get in the way of what HYDRA just sent in here."

The agents snap into action once the Black Widow gives them direct instruction. James tries not to roll his eyes as they scurry off. At least his boogey-man-esque reputation among the more junior agents pays off more often than not.

Steve nods to James and the three take off at a jog, hoping to get through the rest of the HYDRA troops before Natasha reaches them. James slides under Steve's shield throw to tackle a HYDRA agent as Sam flies over both of them to fire on any HYDRA member not within Steve or Natasha's reach.

They make it to the glass-bottomed targeting room with the huge column of the targeting array in sight when the Soldier finds them. A loud clanging strike coming from above them is their only warning before Natasha is falling down along with a good portion of the ceiling, landing fist-first into a crouch at the edge of the catwalk the three are standing on. Sam and James flank Steve as they stand between Natasha and their objective.

"Bit of a complication," Maria says.

"No kidding," Sam replies, eyeing Natasha.

"Rumlow is back. He's heading towards Fury and Pierce," she continues.

"Interference?" James suggests, sending a glance towards Sam.

Sam is already priming his wings, "Alright, alright I get I'm the thir— er, fourth wheel here. I can take a hint."

He dives over the guardrail, shooting through the glass on his way down, before flying back towards the Triskellion.

"How do you know me?" Natasha growls.

Her shoulders are hunched and her fists balled. Her eyes are wide and darting between James and Steve as if one of them might shatter if she stops observing them for long enough. James' stomach twists. He recognizes that look as one she gets after a particularly nasty brainwashing. One that leaves her questioning her reality and that's ended painfully for one or both of them.

“Natasha— Nat… we.” Steve swallows thickly. “We grew up together in Brooklyn. Before the war. We were basically inseparable from the age of 4. I’m pretty sure the only reason I survived long enough to graduate high school is because you were always around to take care of me and to watch my back.”

Natasha squeezes her eyes shut as if she’s trying to fend off a headache. James reaches forward, barely needing to stretch to get into the pouch at Steve’s waist where the last targeting blade is being held. Steve glances at James out of the corner of his eye. James tries to gesture that Steve should keep her talking. Keep talking to her. James starts to walk backwards, keeping his steps silent, towards the array.

As if by some silent agreement, Steve takes a step forward. The distance between them seems ominous, somehow. Steve is within striking distance of Natasha, now. Which is probably even  _ more  _ dangerous in the state she's in.

"You  _ know  _ me, Nat,” he says, pleading.

Her teeth are on display now, lips pulled back in a feral display. She's trembling from the effort to hold herself still. From past experience, James can tell she's not even sure if the outcome of letting herself move would be running for her life or punching Steve repeatedly.

James almost forgets where he is in the process of replacing the blade, trying to take out the HYDRA blade before the glass surrounding everything is open.

"I… don't know…" Natasha’s voice is trembling as much as the rest of her.

"You do," James finally addresses her, "You're confused but you  _ know  _ ."

He’s jeopardizing the mission, now. Drawing attention to himself and not focusing on getting their blade into place.

Natasha squeezes her eyes closed even tighter at the sound of his voice.

"You don’t know what’s real right now. You think HYDRA is lying to you. And they are, but not in the way you think. Everything you remember is  _ yours  _ . But HYDRA can temporarily take it away. They wipe you…”

Natasha starts to shake her head again. She freezes mid -shake, like something has physically stopped her. She's suddenly as still as the legendary sniper she is.

"I— You really both know me?"

James breathes out.

"Not all of you. That would be impossible but…"

The glass slides open, allowing him to locate the correct drawer where the blades need to be swapped.

"Yes," Steve finishes for the both of them.

Slowly, as if to reach out to a skittish cat, Steve raises his hand, palm up to Natasha. James slides the drawer open, takes out the HYDRA blade.

"We want to help you find out. Who we are. Who  _ you  _ are." Steve says in his most earnestly optimistic Captain America voice.

And if Natasha can't trust  _ that  _ voice, James figures they never really had a chance.

Natasha's hand snaps forward, fitting into Steve's neatly. James slots his blade into the slot with equal zeal. They let out a collective breath of a crisis avoided.

And  _ run  _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is that baklava reference in there just because of The Old Guard? You better believe it 😂

**Author's Note:**

> (sorry for the weird ending but the second part of this should be up in the new year 🎊!)


End file.
